I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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