you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
