I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
