I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize