He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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