i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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