I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
