so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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