biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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