I want to make a zoo with you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize