no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
