the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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