so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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