i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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