Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
false alarm, still single
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize