Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
