she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's shark week go big or go home
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
