I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
