If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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