I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
