dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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