got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
