Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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