Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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