She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
