When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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