i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
