Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
