Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
