His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
cat food counts as protein by the way
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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