I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
well you can't waste a boner
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
