I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
