Can i not drive my cunt home
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
