it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
