I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
