can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
