...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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