Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
