I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
