I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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