It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
