I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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