the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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