i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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