her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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