at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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