I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's shark week go big or go home
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
