hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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