eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
