two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
