toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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