I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
