So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
