Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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