i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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