You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
