What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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