My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
