shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
