Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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