This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize