she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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