i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
