he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
