IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
