Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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