wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
