he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
