she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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