i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
