Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
