i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
