i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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