my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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