i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
