i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I pour the whiskey from now on
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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