the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
