And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
