my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
