Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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