Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
