But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
