Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
