i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
