There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
