I wish I could punch you in the face.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
