Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
