I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dicks are not precious.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
