I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize