He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
