whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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