that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
