We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
