i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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