Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
