Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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