Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
