I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
