take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Drunk is a universal language darling
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
