I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
