He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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