its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
