Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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