He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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