she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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