Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
