Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
