he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
