WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
