I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
