I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
