HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize