i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
